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I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual and I want to come out

Froggy wrote:

I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual and I want to come out but I'm afraid. I live in a really anti-gay area where a lot of churches preach against homosexuality. But see, I'm not quite bi. I'm romantically attracted to men, but I am sexually attracted to women. I identify as female, by the way. I say I'm bi because that seems like the most accurate term. Anyway, I have a lot of really close friends that are anti-gay that I don't want to lose, but I want to tell people.

Dear Froggy

What do you want to hear?

"I live in a really anti-gay area where a lot of churches preach against homosexuality."

So have you thought about the consequences of coming out?

It's called 'risk assessment' - we all do it, all the time. We decide if we can get across the level crossing before the train comes (hundreds die every year - thousands don't); we decide if we can run a red light without getting killed or killing someone else (many get away with it, some don't).

You need to consider what the risks are - rows in the family; losing friends; people talking about you ... right up to threatened or real violence.

Then you need to consider how likely each risk is will your family unite against you, or is there a chance that they will be a little confuse, but come to accept it. Will people at school accept it, or will you be isolated, threated, hit ... think about it.

Or we can decide we want to come out, surrounded by people who are 90%+ certain to be hostile, unforgiving or violent.

Of course you should be able to come out; of course you should.

But we live in the real world. Do your risk assessment. Make your choice.

But remember there are other days. No-one - in your circumstances - would criticize you for not coming out at this time.

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