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Do I keep or abort for the sake of his sanity?

Bella wrote:

Me and my boyfriend of 10 months broke up now about a month ago, but after that we messed up severally. We were still sexually seeing each other and didn't think much of it.

A few weeks later I realised I had made a massive mistake and that I could't stop loving him. It was too late by this point he was too hurt by what I'd done to consider seeing me again in the near future. Two weeks after this conversation I began to suspect something was up, my period was late. I took the test only to find it was positive, twice.

I called my ex and told him I needed to see him. His immediate reaction was to make jokes to lighten the mood and avoid the subject but soon I began to see he thinks there is only one option.. To abort.

I don't know how to feel, I'm only 18 and In my wildest dreams I never would have imagined I would become pregnant. We went to the doctors the day before last to confirm it and talked to our families. They have all told us they are here to support us no matter what we decide.

After discussing it with him I know he feels that keeping it will destroy our lives and I believe him.. But I cannot come to terms with aborting our child. A living being, of 8 weeks. He told me he will still help me either way and stay by me if we do keep it. But I can't help but feeling as much as he is telling me to decide that he will at some level be spiteful of me for making the decision I feel responsible to make.

I guess what I'm looking for is people who may have some perspective on the situation from either side, keeping or aborting. I don't want to ruin his life but I don't know If I can kill this baby.

Dear Bella

I really don't see a problem.

If you do not want to have an abortion, then don't.

From what you say, no-one is applying any pressure on you, not even your ex-boyfriend. But don't think that having a baby will bring you back together. It won't. History shows us, time and again, that even when a couple is together, if things are bad then an unplanned baby will not change that.

In your case, you weren't even together, so the chances of a baby creating a loving couple who will stay together for life is just a fantasy.

If you don't want abortion, have the baby. No-one is arguing.

But stop talking about abortion - that is not the issue, never was - and start talking about what happens next.

Your ex-boyfriend "told me he will still help me either way and stay by me if we do keep it." - ask him what he means by that. Does he believe marriage will work? Do you - really? Then why did you split up?

Will you cope as a single mother, even with his 'support'?

Or will your family be able to give you the support and space you'll need?

Or should you look at adoption?

Stop obsessing about abortion and think about your real problems.

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